Introducing Reagan Aliza Lynch

This is far overdue! Reagan Aliza Lynch was born at 9:47 pm on Friday, October 22, 2010. She was 8 pounds, 2.5 oz. We will always treasure the memories of her birth weekend. This was such a sweet time for us. I get teary eyed just thinking about it. I've been hesitant to post about this weekend because I've not been exactly sure what to share especially because this story is not just ours. In our adoption training, we were told to be careful about what we share because this is Reagan's story too. I want to protect what she may or may not like being told, but I also want others to know the beauty of our story. I also want to be sensitive to her birth family as this their story as well and they are so precious to us. It's a fine line to walk.

We were able to spend the entire weekend at the hospital with her birthparents. I had the privilege of being in the delivery room with her birthmom, birthdad, and birth aunt, but we had to leave because Reagan was just too big and ended up being delivered via c-section. We got to see her immediately after she was delivered. She was wide awake, flashing her bright blue eyes. She had dark hair that was thick around the nape of her neck, but thin on top. We watched through the nursery glass as they took her footprints and fed her for the first time. I even got to go into the nursery to touch her for the first time. It was absolutely amazing!

Her birthmom advocated for us to get a room right next to her, so Reagan was able to stay with us right after she was born. It was a perfect set up because she could easily spend time with her birth family as well. I will forever cherish the moments spent with her birth family!

One night the nurse took us into the nursery to teach us how to bathe her.

On Monday, October 25 she came home. We are so in love!!!

God Found Us You

This is the most precious book! I received this from a friend yesterday, but didn't get a chance to read it until last night. I was reading it to my husband and mother-in-law and couldn't get through it without crying. It is such a beautiful and well written children's story about adoption. Mama Fox explains to her baby fox his adoption story by answering his questions about the day "he came home." It so beautifully tells the story of waiting on God and trusting His time. It also does a great job of honoring birthparent's. It's great for parents adopting internationally or domestically. I love the last lines of the book, "When God found us you, you made me the happiest mama in all the world."

Thanks Jacquie! This book is going to get a lot of wear and tear in our home!

What You Wish Everyone Else Knew About Adoption

Today Trey and I completed the last of our mandatory trainings with our adoption agency. One of the activities was to complete questions in small groups that addressed some of the things we wish others knew about adoption. Answering these questions made me realize how much my perspective has changed over the course of the last year. I thought I'd post some of the insights shared today.

1. If there was one thing you could tell your extended family or friends about adoption, what would it be?

The consensus on this one was that open adoption is a GREAT thing! A child who is adopted will want to know his birthparents regardless if it is open or not. The opportunity to build this relationship is vital for the emotional health of the child. I know many adoptive parents have the initial fear that the birthmom will want to come back and get her baby, but this is extremely rare. It probably happens more in made for TV dramas, then in real life. It's even unheard of when the birthmom receives appropriate counseling.

2. What could friends/family have not said/said/done/ or not done....

a) during waiting?

-Please don't say, "Now you will get pregnant." Although this comment is so well intentioned, as an adoptive parent it feels as if you are stripping away the excitement, anticipation, and legitimacy of this baby as your newest family member. The underlying message it communicates is, "This is good, but there's something better." I know this is not what people mean to communicate, but the truth is we will not be lacking in any way if we don't have biological children. Plus, it's just not statistically true. Even though most people know of a friend of a friend this happened too, it's actually more the exception than the rule. At the same time, we believe God has the power to open and close a womb, so we rejoice when that happens, just as we would rejoice in a finalized adoption.

- Do share your excitement of your own pregnancies and children. If you are afraid your friend or family member going through the adoption process or infertility may be sensitive to something, talk with them about it. Allow your friend who is going through the adoption process to tell you if they are having a hard time and can't go to a shower or birthday party. Don't exclude them because you want to be sensitive to their emotions. Most of the time they are already struggling with the isolation that comes with infertility as more and more friends have children, so to not be invited to something in an effort to spare their feelings can just add to the pain of isolation. Now on a side note, if you you just want to invite families with kids to an event, that is perfectly acceptable and understandable too. :)

- Notes of encouragement. I know for us it's been really cool to receive little unexptected congratulation cards or emails acknowledging we are "expecting."

b)at the time of placement?

-Understand if there needs to be a little distance for a few days, but be available for support. We are learning that placement day is extremely emotional. Your greatest sense of joy comes that day at a great cost to the birthparents and their families. It's common for new adoptive parents to struggle with guilt as well. With these experiences, it's easy to feel emotionally depleted, and it may be hard to come home to a big celebration. We really don't know how we will feel. We don't know even know what we want. We want to protect those sacred first few days as a new family, but we also desire to share the celebration with others at the same time. Please bear with us in the beginning as we figure this out.

c) during the first 6 months after placement?

-Understand that the biggest need of the child is to bond with the adoptive parents. Our agency recommends only adoptive parents hold and feed the baby the first few weeks and that the baby be worn to foster attachment. For us personally, we may be a little protective in the beginning about others holding the baby. That doesn't mean you can't sit close to us and touch the baby. Know that in our hearts, we love the idea of family members and friends holding and loving on the baby. We just have to use our best judgement as to when it is best for this to start.

after finalization and beyond?

-Use the term birthparents," not "real" parents. Adoptive parents are the "real" parents. This is what makes adoption amazing and how it reflects our adoption into God's family through Christ. God is our real Father even though we are adopted into his family, and we are His real children. Even co-heirs with Christ. I have a feeling that truth is about to become more real.

- Allow adoptive children to initiate talking about adoption. Be sensitive to the fact that it is not a topic they always want to talk about so be careful of questions you pose or comments you make in their presence.

- Talk positively about birthparents. We can't stress this one enough. The decision to place a baby for adoption is often the hardest decision they will have to make in their life. Adoption is one of the most loving, sacrificial decisions a birthparent can make. We want everyone to know how much respect and love we have for our birthparents.

3) What would you want your family or friends to say or not say to others about your adoption?

-The most meaningful things that family members have said to us are: "We are so excited to love on this baby and can't wait to welcome them into the family." Our families are so supportive!!!

-We would love to hear, "I had never thought seriously about adoption, but now I'm considering it." Ok, we don't want to hear that from everyone. I know I was totally scared of domestic adoption until I heard someone else's story, so hopefully our story will help curb some fears others may have regarding adoption.

4)What would you want your family or friends to say or not say to your adopted child?

-Don't say, "Wow, you are really lucky to be adopted by them." I know you are really thinking, "They are the coolest people ever and I want them to be MY parents," but imagine this through the ears of the child. It could make them feel like a charity case, like they are lucky to be wanted. Besides, luck has nothing to do with how they come to be a part of our family.

-Don't say, "You look just like your adoptive parents." Most children who are adopted don't like to hear that (especially in their teens). This denies their uniqueness and diminishes the characteristics they share with their birthparents.

-Don't say, "Who are your REAL parents?" That would be us.

Like I said, I've learned a lot the past nine months since we started this process. If any of this was surprising to you, you are in good company. My intent in sharing this is not to make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around adoptive parents or feel the need to speak a certain way to be "politically correct." I just hope to give others a little understanding. We all need grace for the times we try to say something with good intentions, but it just all goes south the minute we open our mouth.

The Nursery is Complete (Mostly)

Here's the final pics of the completed nursery.

Above: I didn't take a close up, but that's the cheap-O Craigslist nightstand from earlier post, now a groovy turqoise.

I found directions to make these embroidered letters in a book called Handmade beginnings. I needed a four letter word and this is what Trey came up with :). It's perfect! It goes with the theme of the room and it's our hope for our daughter. That she will grow in the knowledge of who she has been created to be in Christ, that she will grow in His likeness, and that she will grow in her understanding of the love we and her birthparents have for her.....and that she will keep on growing til she's full term (she tried to make an early appearance at 30 weeks). It also actually contains one initial to baby girl's name.

We are so excited to see Baby Lynch in here!

On a side note, I only used half the trees in the vinyl stickers I ordered, so if anyone's interested I'll sell the other 3 for $20. You can look them up on etsy if you want to see what the full set looks like. First person to ask can have first dibs on them.

Not Sure I'll Strip as a Hobby

Remember the night stand I snagged for 10 bucks off Craigslist? Well after a few days of stripping and losing some brain cells, I am down to this:

If you are interested in stripping something, I used Citristrip and liked it pretty well. I got the motivation from this blog http://www.centsationalgirl.com/2010/03/a-tale-of-two-strippers/. She compares two paint strippers and gives you some directions. Even though the process is easy, working with chemicals that require gloves and a mask kind of freaks me out. Even though the smell was almost pleasant, my nose still ran and I got a little light headed.

Actually, the funky gold on the edge is gone and it's all sanded now. Turns out the legs in front are plastic as well as the little embelishment on the front. It's also made or pure particle board. The only part with veneer is the top. Fancy!

On a side note, it was thundering while I was working in the garage and Maggie (the dog) freaked out. This is a normal occurance around our house, but I figured she'd be ok in the garage. Nope. She barked and paced around me nervously until I let her in the house. When I returned outside, she barked because I was not safe in the house with her. I finally called it a day when she started throwing her body against the door to the garage. Sheesh!

Nursery Peek

I'm slowly working on pulling a nursery together. A few weeks ago my sister-in-law, sister, and mom came over for a nursery painting party. I wish I had snapped a few pics of that. The last few days I've been in the middle of painting this rocker that belonged to my papa. This is after I primed it, so it looks really streaky.

A few pics of the curtains, fabric for bedding, and other fun stuff:

I snagged this little number off Craigslist for 10 buckaroos. This is going to look very different in a few days:

Adoption Update

I can't believe it's almost been 2 months since I've posted anything. You've probably stopped checking the blog at this point. Well, a lot has taken place in the last few weeks. I'm only going to share a few details right now because I'm realizing more and more that our adoption story is not just our story to tell. It is the birth family's story and our future child's story, and I want to respect their right to share about this experience on their terms. With that being said, I will probably share a little more once we have a baby, but I may be a little vague on some counts.

Anyhow, the exciting news is we could quite possibly have a baby girl come mid October! We are more than thrilled. We know that God has a perfect plan for this little girl's life. If this placement does take place, the circumstances are more than what we could have hoped for.

So we ask for prayers right now for us and the couple who is making this decision. We know whatever the outcome, God will bring the baby He intends to be a Lynch at the right time.