Next Steps

A week ago we had our pre-adoption conference with our adoption agency. This was our time to hear about the process in depth, ask questions, and officially decide to work with one another. After this meeting we can both say we absolutely love the heart of the women who work with New Life! I'll sum up the next steps because the most often asked question is, "What's next?"

Right now we are on the list for a home study to be completed. They estimated this could take place in about three months. In the meantime, we need to write autobiographies, write letters to the birthmom, make a short video, read some books, take some pics for our profile, have physicals, take infant care and cpr classes, have a fire inspection, among some other things. If we have all this completed, they will be able to start showing our profile to birthmom's once the home study is finished. After that...we wait! We wait for the right birthmom at the right time. It could be quick, it could be long, but we know it will be right.

Encouragement

A few weeks ago Trey and I turned in a screening packet for New Life. Basically, this packet provides a way for the agency to get to know us and our beliefs, to hear our testimonies, and to see if we agree with their statement of faith and policies.

The week we turned in our packet was a pretty incredible week.

Sunday of that week, we had finished answering all the questions, but needed to add some pictures so I couldn't put it in the mail quite yet. If you know me and pictures, they don't come easy!

Monday, I went to the dentist and left feeling deflated. And it wasn't because of my teeth. My dentist went to the same fertility specialist as Trey and me and after doing one round of IVF, she is 6 months pregnant. She commented that I should be pregnant by now as well. In a good hearted manner, she told me we were wasting our time using natural supplements and needed to schedule an appointment with our doctor that day. She was very emphatic! I thought she might pick up the phone and call the doctor for me. The thing is, a week prior to this appointment, Trey and I decided we didn't want to move forward with the fetility treatment our doctors had recommended. We know beyond a shadow of doubt that we are being obedient to God to start the adoption process now. It's not that we are against fertility treatment, we just dont' have peace in pursuing the injectible/IUI treatment at this time. We're really not sure if we ever will. Of course, her comments sent my head spinning down the fear path. I was overcome with thoughts like, "Am I throwing away good fertility years when we could adopt anytime?" "Should we try another treatment?" I explained to her that we had actually decided to adopt and were not pursuing treatment at the time, but the seeds of doubt had been planted. This is when God showed up in such a real and tangible way!

Tuesday, I get a phone call from a friend who has adopted through New Life. I had left her a message the previous month to call me so I could ask her some questions, but she forgot I had called. She "just happened" to remember to call me the week we were turning in the screening application and the day after my deflating dentist appointment. Her call was so encouraging. Before I had a chance to even tell her why I had called the previous month, she starts telling me about her adoption experiences. She tells me about the mystery of holding a baby for the first time who seems so foreign to you and yet within no time becomes completely yours. She explains how she had similar feelings with her two chilren she birthed as well. She tells me she feels no difference in connectedness between her children she birthed versus the ones she adopted. She says it seemes even silly to say aloud because asking if she feels any different toward her children who are adopted is like asking if she loves her husband. It's unthinkable to think about loving them differently. She tells me about her love and respect for the birthmother of her childen. She tells me that she and her husband have decided to adopt again. Turns out they will be going through the trainings with us. I am so encouraged, God has sent someone to talk to me and answer questions on my heart even before I formulate the questions with my mouth. I am amazed at His timing and how He knows us!

If that weren't encouraging enough, Wednesday I talk to a dear friend from college and find out she has just turned in her screening application for an adoption agency in Houston that same week. So another friend is walking the same road at the same time. We are able to talk and share our fears, our excitement, and how God continues to work on our hearts in this process. I can't believe how God continues to provide the encouragement I need.

Friday, we finally get our pictures printed and put our packet in the mail.

The next Monday, I attend a prayer gathering outside the second largest Planned Parenthood facility in the world, right here in Houston. Over 6,000 people from across the U.S. show up. One thing on the hearts of the leaders was to pray that more christian families would rise up in the Houston area with a heart for adoption. That women who find themselves in crisis pregnancy will know there are choices apart from abortion. It was pretty incredible to sit among thousands of believers praying for these mothers and future children. I don't think it was by chance that we decided January was the time we would make our decision. The month that this huge prayer movement would take place in our city. We know our response has been a result of God moving in our hearts.

This journey is so much more than our desires to have children and a big family. We are so excited in these beginning stages to see how God will continue to work and which child He will give us the opportunity to raise. We feel less than adequate for this responsibility, but we are available!! We know that God will equip us for every step of the journey and we are so thankful for the friends and family who are walking with us!

Adoption Beginnings

As most of you know, Trey and I have started the adoption process! I wanted to start this blog so we can share the journey with you and so we have a way to remeber how God has worked throughout this process. Below is an edited answer to the first question on our screening application, "Why are you interested in adoption?"

Both Trey and I knew we were open to adoption well before we got married. I always knew I wanted a big family and I sensed that if I got married, adoption would be in God’s plan for our family. When we were dating we discovered adoption was something we both desired regardless of whether we could have biological children. After we were married, we both felt like we would probably have a few children and then start the adoption process. It was really just a matter of timing.

After a year of trying to get pregnant, we saw a fertility specialist who diagnosed me with anovulation and recommended clomid/IUI cycles. We were game and decided to pursue treatment. Around the same time, we started researching international adoption agencies and listening to people’s adoption stories. One couple’s story really stood out to us. They mentioned that a lot of people view adoption as Plan B for their family. This family shared that they felt there is not Plan A or Plan B, but God’s plan. We realized our plan had been to have children first, then adopt, but that we had not considered God may have something totally different.

At that point we signed up to attend an adoption information meeting with America World Adoption Agency (I was leaning toward international adoption from China and Trey was leaning toward domestic adoption). I knew the China process was long, which in the back of my mind was perfect because if we got pregnant, we could still have a biological baby and adopt and have a reasonable amount of time between our children. Not too long after signing up for the adoption seminar we found out we were pregnant. We were thrilled, but our excitement was short-lived as we found out we would soon miscarry after five short weeks of being pregnant. We were absolutely crushed! We eventually saw two fertility specialists who told us we could become more aggressive in our fertility treatment, but we just weren't ready for that. At that point we decided we did not want to pursue further treatment, but rather try natural means such as diet and herbs to try and get my body in sync.

We went forward with attending the adoption information meeting with AWAA and again our hearts were stirred. At that point we decided we were ready to start the adoption process for China. We were soon disappointed to find out we would need to be married for two more years before we could start the process in China. It was clear we needed to either wait or it was time to look at other options.

Now up until this time I had been hesitant to even consider domestic adoption because of many fears. Open adoption terrified me! The risk of having a birthmother change her mind and decide to parent her child seemed like too much to handle. Raising a child with an open adoption seemed risky and scary. I even almost had Trey convinced that domestic adoption was not a good choice for us based on my fears. Then, I started reading books about adoption and ended up hearing more and more stories of people who had adopted domestically or placed a child for adoption and I started to realize that many of my fears were based on false assumptions or sinful attitudes regarding parenting and the adoption process. I had been considering my feelings and safety and comfort more than what could be best for a child. I know God has much more to teach me in this area, but for the first time I began seriously exploring domestic adoption.

At this point Trey was open to either domestic or international adoption. One evening Trey and I wrote down all our fears regarding domestic and international adoption and found scripture to address each fear. We both needed to relinquish our fears and preconceived ideas of what we thought was best to the Lord. We began a process of praying for the right timing and right decision. At this time, all the choices of agencies and countries seemed overwhelming. We decided that by January we would make a decision. Over a matter of time, we both came to a place where we knew domestic adoption was the right decision for us!