Happy Birthmother's Day

Birthmother's Day is not actually today, but the Saturday before Mother's Day.

Today Trey and I attended our first of two trainings with our adoption agency. One of the topics discussed was open adoption and relationships with birthmothers. I have to say, this was one of the things that really scared me in considering domestic adoption. Now, it is one of the things I like most about domestic adoption.

There are a lot of misconceptions about birthmothers. One common misconception is that they must not care about their child to "give them up." I've even had a few people make comments to me about how it's such a shame that a mom could just give her baby away. Two birthmothers shared their stories today at the training and I must tell you, there is absolutely no truth in that statement. We got to hear these young ladies tearfully tell the stories of how much they loved their babies and how they weighed heavily the decision to parent, choose adoption, or even abortion. Adoption for them was not an immediate, easy decision. As they considered their options, they realized there was so much they could not provide for their babies. Both wanted their children to experience the love of a father and a stable family life. Something they desperately wanted for themselves as well, but just couldn't provide. It was painful and scary for them to think about another family raising their child. The only comfort came in knowing they would forever have a link to their child, an ability to know them, and a family who would commit to communicating the depth of their love. These women carried their babies 9 months, felt them move, held them when they were born, and changed their first diapers. They bonded with their little ones and deeply love their children. I can't fathom making this sacrifice. Birthmothers are brave. One of them even faced ridicule from her family who told her adoption was just like throwing your baby in a dumpster, an act of abandonment. These words were so wounding. Both of them shared how healing it was to be loved by their adoptive families and to see their children given the same love they have for their children. This is a huge source of peace for them.

Trey and I are excited and anxious for when the time comes to meet our birthmother. We so desire a close relationship to develop. We also know relationships are risky. We know all relationships hold the potential for great pain and also great joy. We want to take the risk or obviously we wouldn't be headed down this road.

We ask for you to join us this Birthmother's Day (or any day) for praying for our birthmom. Wherever she is right now, she has a tough road ahead. Pray for us too, that God would cast out any fear.